August 21, 2025

Caregiver Syndrome

Saw a very brief video online today where Mel Robbins is describing Caregiver Burnout and shares that she does not want to see her followers make themselves wrong over it, encouraging them not to blame themselves.

This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight as I am sitting in my car waiting for my son at baseball practice and it’s running a half hour late and then I am off to pick up my oldest from work. I am proud of them and want them to have all they have both in terms of experiences/opportunities AND belongings, but there are 4 of them and they Just went back to school today and I spent ALL day working or organizing my moms entire closet and drawers with her and I just about Always feel spent.

If you’re thinking that maybe cleaning out and organizing my mom’s entire wardrobe wasn’t the greatest choice for my first day without the kids and that I could have chosen not to do that so that I could rest between online clients or so I could have gotten some other things accomplished for me, technically you’re right, it was a choice.

But it’s complicated, Mom has surgery on Monday and she has lost so much weight since October and all she has gone through and with the recent months of a liquid diet. So when I went to help her pack her bag for post-surgery PT/OT rehab she said she needed to go through her clothes to purge what is way too big now and to figure out which size of all of the clothing she has saved over the years fits her. I can’t say it was a bad time entirely. She and I had a nice time togethers but it’s a lot of work hauling everything around and sorting it all and putting it all back and hopping on calls and then returning.

In this sandwiched season I have done some direct care, but I am not even someone who does that daily. I truly feel for those who do that work around the clock. I cannot wrap my head around what it must be like to do that work. I am struggling with never having more than an hour or two to myself in a week’s time during the summer and to get those two hours I am either losing sleep or just ignoring some things that quite urgently do need to be done but are not emergent.

Now that the school year has started and my children have a structured place to go I will be able to set aside one day a week to have a little self-care. Tomorrow I will have the opportunity to go for coffee with one or two wonderful friends who get me at a great place and I have appreciated with both my “hairapist” and my therapist and both are greatly needed. But I won’t be able to do all of that every week. There will be errands and appointments for my parents and children and many many things to prep from meals to fun things like costumes for trick or treat (that will still stress me out because my attention will be divided due to 50 other things I don’t prefer to have on my plate).

Maybe I will miss this, but honestly I highly doubt I will miss all of it. And at the very same time it is Also True that I love each one in my household so very much.