September 17, 2025

I’ve Lived Your Life

Dad has been what we used to refer to when I was a kid, “An Absolute Trooper” with just about everything going on with Mom’s health for honestly what has probably been over a decade now. He has made her meals when she could barely walk due to her knee issues which was a lot of the time prior to his massive heart attack and quadruple bypass. Now he stays active and has been truly an asset in supporting Mom through ongoing physical and emotional struggles.

I have a lot that I do when it comes to advocating for the health and medical needs of both of them. But having him providing all kinds of support to her including direct support, various shopping for needs, and lots of visits has been a tremendous help because I have no siblings and my husband and I have four children and we work and has a lot going on.

He has been retired for several years but he selflessly helps support my two work days out of the house and the work I do from home by driving our kids to and from the bus stop (3 different buses this year) every school day. There is quite a lot that would not be possible if Mom and Dad did not choose to live with us and it has given us the opportunity to support them in many ways and for them to provide support in small ways as we raise the kids

Having said all of that, Dad was frustrated with me this morning because I forgot for the millionth time to put things clearly on the written calendar on the kitchen island and I scheduled some appointments for him, to which I accompany him, at a time when he has plans to drive a couple of hours out of town to visit his brother who is in a long term care home. Understandably he was frustrated, but I pointed out that he is retired so there’s much more flexibility in his schedule to make some changes.

That frustrated him because he has had this visit on the calendar for months and he is right that I did not give him proper notice. However, in my defense I absolutely have a point that he can be flexible and I ended up rescheduling the one appointment (the most important one is at 7 AM and he can still get going pretty early). But he ended up saying to me that he’s loved my life and basically now has the right to not have to be flexible.

Um, no sir, I reminded him quickly, you have NOT lived my life. You had one child, not four, and Mom lived a similar life to mine (caring and advocating for her aging parents while raising me and at times trying to start a business for part of my childhood). You sir, did not. You lived the workaholic, non-primary parent’s life and you were not a caregiver of anyone while your child was growing up. You did not live my sandwiched life.

I have been sitting with this post for several days and we all have different roles in our journey, but I stand by my right to remind Dad that he has never lived through the roles and that life has handed me in this timing.