Sandwiched Support

Category: Uncategorized

  • February 17, 2026

    Brick by Brick

    Brick by brick we are carrying our dependents along while building our family’s future and what we hope is a legacy of support and love. Brick by brick we are building and diversifying our careers. Brick by brick we are scaffolding our children’s education and adding to their exposure to a variety of extracurriculars while learning what we can about future options as they discover who they are and what they are called to. Brick by brick we are advocating for the best in healthcare for my parents (for now) and ourselves and our children and finding ourselves pouring hours into appointments, calls, portal messages, reading and seeking resources, and delivering care. Brick by brick we are shuttling everyone to everything most of the time when we are not working and we are bearing witness to rehabilitated steps and skill building with each passing year. It is exhausting. It is meaningful. It is the life of the Sandwiched.

  • February 14, 2026

    Invisible

    For a few years now I have felt invisible to myself for long stretches of time. I come up for air during brief, but special times of reprieve, but in the day to day there is SO much that falls on me and for which I am responsible that I rarely have time to feel like myself. I am often drained and my marriage has been too. I don’t want to regret oversharing at this time, but I will say that if you feel like you are being treated like you are invisible to your husband and it seems like he is on another planet you are not alone. If your Valentine’s Day was what you set up for your family and you were completely overlooked, you’re not alone. If it felt like just another day of being dead last on your and everyone else’s list, you’re in no way the only one. Please know that it’s not just you. There have been darker times and there certainly can be far more difficult circumstances. But sometimes it feels like I am unrecognizable both inside and out to me. There’s just so much that I am carrying in this season. While Sandwiched I just have not been myself quite often and I find that it is very rare for anyone to pour into me other than my Incredible tribe of women who get it. Some of them get some of it, some get other parts, and some just care A Lot and by God’s grace their support can always be found and is enough to spur me on. Sometimes the little times of reprieve are SO magical where I get to take a break that finds me or I get to engage in an experience where I feel more myself than ever. These come with careful planning and literally several people providing favors to stand in for me (some of which I will end up returning because they were provided by another overextended Mom who can surely use one owed to her from someone who will deliver because she didn’t have much to give in the first place but get it). Sometimes the little times of reprieve are quiet whispers that were unexpected. They come when I experience song lyrics that remind me of youth and freedom. They come when I see some cardinals or robins and think of the irreplaceable love I enjoyed while I still had my maternal grandparents on this earth and I remember how worthy I am of love. They come when I have an excellent session with a client and they commend me for my help and I remember my competence. They come in the best moments with my children where I feel God’s presence and am reminded of my inherent value. But this is a season of depletion, of giving beyond what I have to give and far beyond when it hurts, and it tends to take a whole lot of rearranging to steal time to truly recharge.

  • February 5, 2026

    Clear for Surgery

    Mom had what we believe was a successful surgery at the smallest hospital yet (but beautiful and newly renovated). A well-respected surgeon from an orthopedic practice in the area performed a knee replacement Monday on Mom and a fantastic rehab associated with the small hospital accepted Mom Wednesday so we are hoping for a full recovery and the second replacement coming up soon. But in order to be cleared for the surgery she, understandably had an appointment with her PCP (sadly the one she had, who we loved, was leaving for a specialty practice, but we did get to choose another doctor in the practice who is fantastic as well). She also had to be cleared by cardiology, (also something we understood) so even though we were enjoying a stretch of time where we were told to return in 2 years to cardiology for the next check up, we headed in for an in-person appointment. This led to a test at the hospital being necessary and then on the day of that test at the small hospital it took 4 nurses to get an IV in Mom and then the images were not clear enough so we had to go back to undergo that test a second time. They were very apologetic and accommodating, but the hours at pre-surgery appointments really added up. Then after being required by the surgeon’s practice to have an pre-surgery clearance check-up appointment with her PCP we had to then come to one of the surgeon’s offices to meet with one of their nurse practitioners to also take vitals and check Mom to clear her for surgery (though we did have a previous appointment with a surgeon’s PA at that practice to check mom and answer questions and to schedule surgery). Then we received a lengthy call from a nurse a few days before surgery asking the questions that had already been answered countless times. Very thorough of course. Nothing wrong with being thorough. But yet was each appointment really necessary? Especially the PCP plus the nurse practitioner at the surgeon’s practice. What qualifies as overkill? Is there really added value at a certain point?

  • January 30, 2026

    Really?

    When we use the portal for the smaller hospital system there’s a note in the portal denoting contact with the provider and it is written as though we spoke directly. Many providers have nurses and even medical assistant’s respond. I sent a question to a nurse practitioner from Mom on a Sunday and the provider did not respond, understandably that day, but instead someone from her office responded during the upcoming week and she then responded herself to some follow-up questions I had and the way they wrote about it in the chart sounds as though I had a thorough call with the provider directly on a Sunday when all that happened was that I sent our message to the provider through typing it into the portal on a Sunday. But the notes says “You spoke with (name of provider is here in the record), CRNP on Sunday (date is here).” Did we really speak with her? Sounds misleading. I really didn’t look into the billing but am wondering if this is billed as though we spoke with or had some kind of session with the provider on a Sunday. Something to look into more. Interesting.

  • January 24, 2026

    I Might

    I frequently tell those who know me that I “might” be able to do this or that. I might be able to drop by with some clothes my daughter has outgrown for another mom to go through. I might be able to meet for coffee and conversations desperately needed with my similarly sandwiched sisterhood. I might be able to get my work notes done by a certain day. I might be able to make and keep an appointment with my own therapist every few months. I’m might write what used to be my annual Christmas Letter which started arriving just before Valentine’s Day and then not at all for the last 3 or is it 4 years? I might be able to show up at the monthly PTO meeting and it’s a bigger might for me to be able to find time to volunteer a little like I used to. I might get a corner of a room organized, but don’t count on the whole dining room being usable anytime soon. I might unblock the attic stairs and carry all that is on one of my many plunking piles to its place. If you need me I’ll just be here doing the next thing because my list is endless and so many tabs are open in my mind that I might never manage them all. But I might just put those to-do’s on a list and I heard research shows that I might get better sleep if I make that list before bed. So u might, or I might tell myself again that I don’t want to pause to make the list, that it will swallow too many precious minutes in all of the busyness. My favorite people tell me what an amazing job i am doing with everything on my plate. Others criticize mainly. I can’t promise I will manage today. I can’t be sure that I will manage tomorrow. But I might.

  • January 17, 2026

    The Family I Get To Choose

    Though I am sandwiched at an age which is younger than most, experience it, I do have friends of varying ages who are beginning to find out what it’s like. And it is a breath of fresh air to have each one of them as a part of my village.

    Some have recently lost parents and I am trying to remind myself of the value of the time I have remaining with Mom and Dad. A wonderful friend just shared that her dad had to give up his keys. Another dear friend is trying to advocate for her father-in-law while he declines what appear to be potentially very helpful treatment options. And another dear friend who is a nurse herself is dealing with challenges as she advocates for her father while living several states away,

    I know I am not alone in my circumstances, but it can feel very isolating sitting in hundreds of medical appointments per year (including visits during days hospitalized) with my parents and my children and receiving related phone calls and messages frequently as I attempt to gain enough information to advocate. It always helps to share stories, to trade tips, and to listen to one another as we navigate this heavy season.

    And those friends willing to provide a listening ear and time to vent together are absolutely priceless. In recent months I have been able to have coffee once monthly with two of them and I got away for one night with two others along with our kids this weekend. Support comes in many forms and some friends are family we get to choose.

  • It’s fine, I’m fine, Everything is fine

    Sandwich Generation life took over over the holidays between all 8 of us getting the flu over our Christmas break and New Year’s, one after another after another. Thankfully we had our vaccinations but it was still yucky and ugly. I told myself I was going to be able to do this blog daily. Then I told myself I was going to be able to catch up all of the daily posts I missed starting in October and add photos and then starting with making the Trick or Treat magic for the neighborhood with an amazing fellow neighborhood mom and then getting everything ready for the holiday season this fell off the list. But isn’t that just the epitome of Sandwich Generation life. I am hoping to shift to once weekly consistently now in 2026 starting with today.

    Thrilled that Mom’s first knee replacement surgery is February 2nd but we still had to not only go to a surgery scheduling appointment with the surgeon’s PA to choose which knee to start with and discuss the surgery, but also had to have a Clear for Surgery appointment with the PCP, and another one with the Cardiologist. And as if that weren’t enough an NP at the surgeon’s office had to see Mom a month prior to surgery to clear her when we were just at the PCP three days before that and at the cardiologist 3 days before the PCP. Simply cannot help but think that there are too many cooks in the clearance kitchen and everyone wants a piece of the billing pie. She’s high risk in certain ways, but that last checkup with the NP when she had just seen her PCP took the overkill cake for me. I am the Sandwiched accompanying uber driver and appointment advocate and when I can’t schedule my own clients I don’t get paid. But yeah, let’s have an NP take up our time checking on Mom when a physician plus a specialist’s office just checked her within the past week.

    One of my awesome bosses gifted me some dumpster fire socks and I am still looking forward to finding a time to put my feet up so the sock bottoms can be read by others “It’s Fine, I’m Fine, Everything is Fine.”

  • October 9, 2025

    Tis the Season

    When Mom entered the hospital a year ago for emergent surgery (which led to nearly a year of complications at the little hospital before a seemingly successful surgery in September has provided significant relief and hopefully has solved the problem) I lost what little control I was getting of our already cluttered new-to-us home. When my parents sold their home and we sold ours 4 years ago and moved into one house I almost single-handedly cleared years of clutter (things Mom hoped to use again) out of my parents’ home. But then as we combined what we kept we realized we did not quite purge enough stuff along the way and 4 years later after a year of almost constant advocating for better care for Mom, there is a serious clutter explosion lining the sides of one basement room, piled in a basement storage room, covering the one side of our bedroom, choking our dining room, and don’t ask about the attic and one section of the garage. I use A Lot of the stuff but rarely have a minute to put it away rather than putting it down.

    So now we’ve entered the season of celebrating it all! We are counting our blessings and almost ALL of this holiday themed cheer from Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Year’s, but honestly I am already exhausted from the trunk or treat I organized and moving through crowds at the Halloween Parade and there’s work and youth sports and plenty of ongoing outpatient appointments for both of my parents. So far I have two little Halloween signs set out around the mess and a Falk wreath on the door. I tend to go ALL OUT and love to, but these days it’s like I just don’t have the bandwidth.

    We just got our pumpkins out by the front door next to the doormat that says “Sunshine Vibes”. Maybe I’ll get the “Trick or Treat“ mat out by Friday, maybe not. But I do know that I have to clean up the dining room before the end of November (trust me there is very little margin to get this done and it will happen at the sacrifice of plenty of my sleep) and the Christmas shopping already began after Christmas last year because I’ll nearly single handedly be bringing all of the magic like I do every year. And I wouldn’t mind if that was all there was to do but, that’s the furthest thing from the case.

  • October 8, 2025

    The Why

    I have been talking with clients, particularly my college student clients who are questioning their life choices when midterms hit, about their “Why”. For them I point to my degrees and licenses on the wall of my office and tell them that I have been where they are and that though they must lock in now and grind it out when it’s difficult, if I did it, so can they.

    I have been struggling with it all. The mental load of this sandwiched situation, the inadequate support, the significant need for advocacy on my part to fill significant gaps in systems that I seem to pay quite a bit into in taxes and the insurance payments are astounding. It still makes me weak in the knees when I think of all who are doing this with fewer resources than I have and I try not to verbally express frustration when some more privileged than we are mention paying out of pocket for resources that we will likely never be able to afford.

    But as I sit in this idyllic setting where our children are privileged to play soccer on a beautifully manicured field surrounded by brilliant fall colors and scenic farmland. And as I watch my healthy daughter run freely with the ball it is the ideal moment to practice gratitude for the health most of our household is experiencing now and the strides we have made. I am grateful for the medical care we do have available, even as I want to challenge us to be provide better. I am grateful that my children have a wonderful school district in an amazing community and that we can raise them in a healthy place where a variety of activities are available for their enjoyment and enrichment. And when I remember that everything I do is for family and that my children are thriving it reminds me Why I work this hard burning the candle at both ends.

    I truly care about my parents and about my children and my family as a whole and doing everything I can to give them the best life possible as far as it depends on the choices I make. I received this text from a dear friend who I respect very much. The whole text made my day, this part in particular:

    “You are a warrior and take such good care of your family. Remember to take care of yourself too.”

    As I walk this long winding road in this season of life and step up as a warrior for the cause of my family each day, I haven’t yet found the best way to also take care of myself. Yet is one of my favorite words though, I know I can and will learn at some point. But for now I am focusing on the “Why” for getting up early and getting to bed late so that I can keep it all going in this season for those who count on me. They matter so much to me and they are my Why.

  • October 7, 2025

    Underdosed

    If you have read previous posts you will know that my husband and I have had different but a little similar (weird joint pain but mine was in my back, his in his feet and knuckles) following our dog being sick with inflamed joints. Our dog was treated with a specific antibiotic and is doing well. Her Lyme’s test came back negative and so did that test for both of us. However we have been told that Lyme’s is one where there are many false negatives. I felt better right away when I was given the same antibiotics.

    But my husband actually got that antibiotic first. When he went to the regular urgent care at the small hospital system before I did he was told by the provider who saw him that he had a choice, he could get a Lyme’s test or he could just try the antibiotic that our dog had that he was asking about. He chose to take the antibiotic and he started to feel a little better much before I did. The issue, however, is this. He was only given 10 days of that antibiotic where a standard course treatment is 28 days. He then followed up with the the PCP we both have and she thinks it’s a virus and won’t give him more antibiotics and for weeks he is still experiencing symptoms and the symptoms are still with him. And one of those symptoms is that one of his feet hurts even more than the other one and he can barely stand on it. Not so helpful with a full-time job managing others and a busy life with 4 kids, aging parents and in-laws and a wife who is often asking him not to quit on her and to bear some of the load.

    It feels very much like we are not getting the best guidance and the best treatment in an efficient manner. And it also seems like our particular PCP does not know what it takes for us to hold up the life we have built and what truly is sometimes in many ways the life we didn’t know we were choosing at the time. So many unknowns, so much unpredictable timing. I don’t know for sure, but I don’t believe she has 4 children at our children’s ages, aging parents who live with her, and I know she does not have a job without sick time. I want to feel that she understands that my husband and I want to be (and a number of important people need us to be) better Sooner or at minimum More Smoothly and with less stress and More of a Sense that our PCP cares about us as individuals and about our family’s needs and circumstances. All of it is part of the whole picture for one’s patient.