Sandwiched Support

Tag: healthcare

  • August 27, 2025

    The Thing About Gas After Surgery

    After certain surgeries you have to pass gas (among other goals) before you can move onto the next goal and ultimately before you’re considered far enough along in your recovery to go home.

    After all 4 c-sections this was part of my recovery process, celebrating my first post-surgery fart because it meant that things were working again post surgery. I (and I imagine most others) spent most of my life trying to avoid passing gas or at least trying to avoid doing so around others and then discovered a place in the hospital where passing gas is revered and a time in my life when I was hoping to have some to pass. Who would have thought?

    It’s Mom’s turn to have that goal on her list and we are all on the edge of our seats for a couple of days now (which apparently is normal) for this to happen because it’s nothing by mouth including water until then in the case of her surgery. A humbling time where we are realizing how we can truly be grateful for certain things we always imagined we’d be wishing away.

  • August 26, 2025

    Greet the Loved Ones

    I’m sure there are plenty of thoughts from the point of view of the medical professionals on this and most certainly I do realize that they are at work when this is all happening and have plenty to think about regarding the patient.

    However, following my family member’s surgery, I want to feel welcome for a brief visit in her hospital room. Mom’s most recent surgeon (phenomenal in so many ways: Knowledge, Skills, Ability to Communicate, and Bedside Manner toward both the patient and the family members) spoke to me around 6 PM last evening. After 7 PM I asked for her room number because I live just under an hour away from the big hospital and I was ready to go home after seeing her. I approached the front desk staff member in the surgical waiting room and she looked up the room number for me and called the unit ahead. They shared that it’s a shift change and encouraged me not to come until 7:30 PM which I did and I was still alone in a dark hospital room when I arrived because Mom wasn’t there yet.

    Two nurses in the hallway were busy and ifnired me until I approached them. There was no or ask the desk and I asked if I could go to Mon’s room and the one nurse kindly and easily waved me on.

    But when my mom arrived in her room, the gentleman transporting her by pushing her gurney did not make eye contact with me or speak to me. Worse yet the bedside nurse came in and began acting like I was not even there. The transfer to her hospital bed went smoothly but neither would look at me until I thanked them several times over and then politely explained that I would not be staying long. I also, in an easy-going way apologized when I got in her way and showed her the four items I was leaving behind for Mom. She was pleasant enough and answered me.

    But I wanted to be greeted. I wanted the staff to introduce themselves to me and to make me feel welcome. It wasn’t the ED at 4 AM or something like that, it was the start of a shift, and even if it was it would go a long way to greet and welcome the loved ones of people who had surgery.

  • August 25, 2025

    Lonely Waiting

    Mom’s surgery is today. It’s going on now. It’s been a long day as her arrival to the big hospital was scheduled for 11:15 AM and she was prepped and ready before 1:00 PM but another procedure with another surgeon ran overtime in the OR she was to be going into. She just went into the OR just before 3:15 PM. Her surgeon and anesthesiologist seem very competent and we are hopeful! But the procedure is extensive and risky and I have been texting, calling, and posting on social media because I am on my own here, waiting, and technology allows me to receive support from friends and family from a distance

    I am to receive updates approximately every 2 hours. The surgeon shared that he scheduled her this way as he is already here all night so there is no rush and the procedure could take 1 hour or 6 hours. We knew it was going to be complicated going into it.

    They called the surgical waiting room about an hour and a half into her entering the operating room so that the staff member at the desk could let me know that they had just then started surgery now, but that it took anesthesia a while to place her lines (IV and some other things they discussed with us ahead of time) so it will likely be quite a while yet.

    I have so much support from a distance yet I am sitting here alone just like I did right after COVID in the county where I grew up while my Dad had a quadruple bypass surgery. He is doing very well physically now about (I think) 5 years later or so. I’m an only child and most of my close friends have as many or more kids than I do and they have been working all day or caring for kids all day or both. They are running kids to activities because it’s a Monday night at the start is the school year and making dinner and some will soon start the bedtime routine for their young ones. Would be tough to ask one of them to accompany me even though I know they wish they could be here.

    We have been marathoning hosting celebrations for three of our kids’ summer birthdays and hosted a celebration for a faith-based milestone for our youngest just yesterday. We have very little margin in which to plan and we didn’t know how the day would go so we agreed that Dad would get the kids off the bus like he always does and save his energy for visiting Mom tomorrow and Wednesday while I am working. And my husband worked all day and is running the kids to activities so that didn’t plan for him to be here, but now I wish he was.

    Great news in the middle of writing this (an hour ago) Mom’s surgeon walked into the waiting room much sooner than I expected and shared how the procedure went better than expected and that many things we were concerned might happen did not occur and all of this is amazing news!! It took them longer to get the lines in her this time (a number of factors are making her a tough stick at the moment) than the surgery took.

    And my cousin who works here came and gave me a hug a half hour ago as she headed in for her night shift. So I have much to be thankful for as I wrap up this post!

    I will say though that the waiting was lonely and difficult and I will be asking and trying to arrange someone to wait with me whenever there is a next time. Once Mom is cleared by this surgeon she will pursue knee replacement surgery next. Hopefully that will not be as nerve wracking.

  • August 21, 2025

    Caregiver Syndrome

    Saw a very brief video online today where Mel Robbins is describing Caregiver Burnout and shares that she does not want to see her followers make themselves wrong over it, encouraging them not to blame themselves.

    This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight as I am sitting in my car waiting for my son at baseball practice and it’s running a half hour late and then I am off to pick up my oldest from work. I am proud of them and want them to have all they have both in terms of experiences/opportunities AND belongings, but there are 4 of them and they Just went back to school today and I spent ALL day working or organizing my moms entire closet and drawers with her and I just about Always feel spent.

    If you’re thinking that maybe cleaning out and organizing my mom’s entire wardrobe wasn’t the greatest choice for my first day without the kids and that I could have chosen not to do that so that I could rest between online clients or so I could have gotten some other things accomplished for me, technically you’re right, it was a choice.

    But it’s complicated, Mom has surgery on Monday and she has lost so much weight since October and all she has gone through and with the recent months of a liquid diet. So when I went to help her pack her bag for post-surgery PT/OT rehab she said she needed to go through her clothes to purge what is way too big now and to figure out which size of all of the clothing she has saved over the years fits her. I can’t say it was a bad time entirely. She and I had a nice time togethers but it’s a lot of work hauling everything around and sorting it all and putting it all back and hopping on calls and then returning.

    In this sandwiched season I have done some direct care, but I am not even someone who does that daily. I truly feel for those who do that work around the clock. I cannot wrap my head around what it must be like to do that work. I am struggling with never having more than an hour or two to myself in a week’s time during the summer and to get those two hours I am either losing sleep or just ignoring some things that quite urgently do need to be done but are not emergent.

    Now that the school year has started and my children have a structured place to go I will be able to set aside one day a week to have a little self-care. Tomorrow I will have the opportunity to go for coffee with one or two wonderful friends who get me at a great place and I have appreciated with both my “hairapist” and my therapist and both are greatly needed. But I won’t be able to do all of that every week. There will be errands and appointments for my parents and children and many many things to prep from meals to fun things like costumes for trick or treat (that will still stress me out because my attention will be divided due to 50 other things I don’t prefer to have on my plate).

    Maybe I will miss this, but honestly I highly doubt I will miss all of it. And at the very same time it is Also True that I love each one in my household so very much.

  • August 14, 2025

    What Kind of Visit Should we Have Today?

    Took Mom to her AMAZING primary care physician today to an appointment that we scheduled months and months ago. These days you cannot get in with her unless she happens to be on the office when you are super sick and you get one of her sick visits or unless you book way in advance. We typically see a PA these days and many of them are fantastic, but they are not her primary provider who she started with after moving to the area and has known her medical history for the last 3 plus years.

    So we are about to have one of our favorite docs enter the room after Mom stood on the scale (amazed by the amount she has lost due to multiple surgeries and being on a liquid diet for months) and got her height measured (confirming she is shrinking)… and the nurse says that this is scheduled as an annual Medicare Wellness visit and she has noticed that Mom has had a lot going on here and does she want to switch it to some other type of visit.

    Long pause as neither Mom nor I knew how to respond to this, wondering to ourselves what is the difference between an annual Medicare Wellness visit and whatever other option the visit would be coded as? Then I asked if she is required to have that Medicare Annual Wellness visit and the nurse said no and she also specified that if we chose the Medicare Annual Wellness visit that the doc can only talk about the topics on a list that Medicare says the doctor should discuss. So of course we chose the other option, though we don’t really know what that other option is in the world of billing and coding.

    But we ended up with a beautifully thorough, normal session with one of our favorite docs who knows Mom well and we hope the bill isn’t out of the ordinary.

    Never had that question before.

  • August 12, 2025

    So How’s Your Mom?

    These days as a sandwiched individual who has been advocating for my parents for years now, with quite a bit of advocacy for Mom for almost a year now under the ongoing circumstances, people who haven’t seen me for a while say hello and tend to ask about Mom right away. It’s kind and considerate and I tell them that she’s uncomfortable on her ongoing liquid diet, but stable as she awaits surgery.

    What is the actual diagnosis? What kind of surgery is she to have? Who’s the surgeon? What is the recovery supposed to be like?

    I get it. I am someone who asks a lot of questions so that I can learn more about things and to demonstrate support for others when the questions do not seem too intrusive. And these questions are not intrusive. I have been very open, with Mom’s permission, about the whole journey so that others may learn from our experiences and be better able to advocate for their loved ones and themselves. And these caring people’s prayers and kind words and support are everything when walking through all that comes along with having medical needs or being there for someone who does.

    But it does feel strange to be here. To be of the generation who is asked these questions quickly after a greeting, almost in the same breath. And those who ask are quite often my age or older and/or are individuals who work in the medical field or who have been sandwiched themselves.

    It’s a relatable place to be. I am not alone, but there is a loneliness to knowing I am the one who will be responsible for every pre-op form, every post-op update, every aftercare instruction.

    And though I have experienced much thus far in this medical realm, advocating as the daughter, this does not mean I am prepared for what is next. I am not prepared, but I will go and do my best again while leaning on my village to seek information, guidance, and support.

  • July 28, 2025

    Enough

    I took my dad to a 6:30 am EKG this morning after getting home last evening from our two week trip with the kids. Did one load of laundry and spent my breakfast being the listening ear my dad needed. Called the pedi office to see if I can bring my daughter, who has been sick on and off with cold symptoms for a few weeks and now has quite a cough, to see if I can bring her along to be seen there while I brought my teen son for his wellness check up or before or after. My son’s appointment was at 9:40 AM, not one of the popular timeslots before or after parents’ work days. But they could not get her in.

    Thankfully both early morning appointments went well and brought helpful results. But then I had to head back out with my daughter to urgent care for a sick visit. They were helpful but it took me right up to zipping home to get there in the nick of time for my first client and the other three today

    My fifteen year old got everyone lunch while I worked, but by the time I was done it was time to pop dozen pizzas in the oven and open fruit and veggie trays and call it dinner as my husband made his way home.

    As I skipped preheating and hoped for the best as usual, I called my husband and vented about how I felt I got nothing done today because I didn’t unpack, I barely did laundry, and picking up around here escaped me as it often does. My husband was on point today and reminded me that I took loved ones to 3 doctors and saw 4 clients and that that’s a 7 hour day alone right there not to mention the drives, chores, and being there for all 4 of my children and both of my parents in different ways.

    It’s enough, but there’s not enough of me to go around. And I’m sandwiched and each day brings many challenges with opportunities right now.

  • July 23, 2025

    Taken Care of in a Timely Manner

    Yesterday I found it concerning that when I finally called the right number for Medicare and asked about whether or not Mom’s new benefit period began now that she has been home (with no additional inpatient admissions) for over 60 days as required for her plan to reinstate a new series of available Medicare Part A days.

    The representative I spoke with yesterday seemed more knowledgeable and professional than some others I have spoken with in the past and she was able to tell me that her view of the system shows that Mom’s days should have come back now (other than those 60 lifetime days which never come back) given that I did understand correctly that she has been home for more than 60 days.

    However, this helpful representative admitted that though Mom should be in a new benefit period as of a few days back, the system does not show the availability of the new days on her end.

    Ok, so I am of course glad at this point that this representative is confirming for me what we suspected that Mom FINALLY was able to stay home for 60 plus days in a row without any inpatient admissions and her Part A benefits are returning in time for an upcoming surgery that is scheduled for Monday at the big hospital.

    So I explained to the helpful representative that the surgery is supposed to be first thing next week and I would like to confirm that her Part A benefits are reinstated now for a new benefits period as she has met the requirements. The helpful representative replied that she was escalating this to what I believe she called a “senior specialist”. She assured me that she was writing a thorough explanation of my question and the reasons for my question and I believe that she did. t

    Here’s what led me to feeling concerned yesterday. The helpful representative told me that the senior specialist had 7 business days to return my call. 7 business days?! It was Tuesday and the surgery was Monday!

    I expressed this concern to the helpful representative and she said that I could call Mom’s surgeon’s office and encourage them to call the provider line for confirmation.

    Seriously, how are patients, especially Seniors, doing all of this without someone advocating for them through plenty of inefficient steps?

    I thanked her and asked for her name. She gave it to me and I asked for her extension. She said she doesn’t have an extension or a call back number and I can just call the main number back and explain all of this again if the senior specialist does not return my call before the 7 business day window.

    Not an ideal option, but grateful to know that’s the way it is for future reference. So yesterday I called the big hospital’s outpatient surgery office and explained everything about the potential billing concerns if the new benefits period is not clearly started in the system. The woman who answered the phone listened to my whole explanation and then had to transfer me to a woman in the billing department whose voicemail answered my call. I explained everything yesterday on her voicemail and have not received a return call from her.

    It seems, this time, that all is working out for Mom. I was absolutely shocked and thrilled that the senior specialist returned my call today and I was available to answer right away! She couldn’t have been nicer and did confirm that Mom’s Part A is in a new benefit period as of a few days ago when Mom made it to 60 days at home without an inpatient admission during that time.

    Thankful to have that verbal confirmation and when we got disconnected because I am traveling and was on the road when she called, she called back and left a message trying to finish our call. Very kind of her to call back! Unfortunately I didn’t have reception and her message stated that I would just have to call the main number back again. No direct number or extension to call her back and finish our call.

    Grateful that I got what I needed at this time, but quite frankly I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  • June 19, 2025

    Compassion Fatigue

    This reality will certainly warrant a number of posts to do it justice, but I wanted to acknowledge hearing some compassion fatigue from some of the medical professionals we have interacted with lately. I know it’s epidemic at this point due to so very many relevant factors and that everyone must have heard of it by now. However, I am wondering if we are seeking to find adequate solutions.

    So I have experienced Compassion Fatigue at times in my work as well as in my personal life as a sandwiched adult with both the top and bottom bread in the same household with me. And I heard it last week in the voice of the case worker in charge of the ED at the big hospital when I called upon her to assist me with getting Mom discharged from the ED before we reached the second midnight.

    For me personally as the daughter of a patient who has been in and out of the hospital every few weeks or less starting exactly 8 months ago today, it’s been, and continues to be quite the journey. Last week when I realized we could pick Mom up while she was still under the care of the ED in time for her not to lose the 3 weeks she put together at home (now she has 4!) I was making some pretty passionate phone calls advocating for this to happen. I was calling from a noisy place and ended up in tears while explaining everything to the ED’s case worker after already explaining it all to the Utilization Review Specialist and the bedside nurse. I just began to cry from a place of overwhelm and from that place of daring to hope while also managing those expectations. The case worker sounded cold and matter-of-fact. She helped, but it felt very clear to me that she had heard too many crocodile tears in her time and did not hear mine as any different.

    Today I was chatting with someone who is a close friend of mine who is a provider who worked many years ago in an ED far away from here. This person still works in the medical field, but the day to day is very different these days. And this friend shared that there probably are more genuine individuals such as myself who really have been through a lot with their loved ones and truly do need more empathy than we are getting. However, this individual shared something said frequently in the past during a time when there was quite a bit of med-seeking, exaggerated symptoms, and other manipulation on the part of patients in this person’s work life, coming into that ED back then. “I must have left my compassion at home on the kitchen table.” And before anyone judges this individual who is an excellent provider and has a lot of compassion for true needs, I put this here as something for us to think about. I have challenged providers who have not taken care to do their jobs well. I have elevated some concerns to supervisors during these last 8 months and I continue to do so because all of the patients, especially those who have no one to advocate for them deserve ongoing improvements to their care. But I want us all to take some time to think about what medical staff deal with each day and how those experiences accumulate and pile on and can lead to Burnout and to Compassion Fatigue.

    May it become easier and easier and more and more affordable for those caring for others to get the support they need from mental healthcare to respite care to case workers who explain important concepts to patients and families effectively. When life gives them lemons, may they be able to cry into something other than the hospital tissues and find a way to recharge so that they may continue to provide the level of care and compassion that their jobs require. And may we as the caregivers and advocates recharge effectively as well.

  • Friday Refresh

    May 30, 2025

    Week 2 with us is in the books! Mom will be home post-most-recent hospitalization for 2 weeks on Monday!

    Here’s a refresh on this week’s topics and some relevant questions: I ran through some lessons learned and tips related to Medical and Surgical teams and consulting specialties and shared potential issues related to getting a clear diagnosis while seeking effective treatment. I also shared some info regarding different types/levels of aftercare and spoke at length about our experiences with ways patient treatment compliance impacts admissions to aftercare. For discussion I am wondering what can be done to improve individual patient care from diagnoses, to treatment planning, to discharge with aftercare. I would also ask what can be done to assure that all aftercare facilities reach higher standards? Additionally I am very interested in knowing more about what happens to each medical facility, team, and provider when a patient is repeatedly readmitted, when errors are made, or when there is an infection post-procedure? Can managed care also offer some kind of incentives for hospitals, care teams, and providers who end up helping those who are medically complex to truly make progress? Can providers and their team members tell the patients and their families more about what managed care is doing that limits them? Might knowing more about the penalties the hospital and providers are facing bring a better understanding of the conditions they are operating under? Ultimately, how can providers and their teams better work as a team with the patient and patient’s loved ones to improve ultimate outcomes?

    Fun Facts about the Founder and Family: We celebrated our family Christmas with blogger’s parents in March this year during a brief period of Mom being home from the hospital. The decorations stayed up from November to March and were both a bright spot while celebrating and a conversation starter when people stopped by. Mom’s favorite holiday is Christmas and her decorations, most of which were purchased in her 50’s and 60’s while she was an avid yard saler and thrift store treasure hunter. Her holiday colors are gold and forest green and her stately tree stands tall in the formal living room. Blogger decks the halls in blue and silver (much of which Mom found for her on her quests for steals and deals). When our large household comes together we are often

    Key Takeaway: As always please use this week’s posts to start helpful conversations with your loved ones on these topics. You are also encouraged to begin thinking through who you will likely be advocating for and how it will look as you support them. Who can advise and support you through it? When it comes to aspects that you have some or total control over, how do you prefer to handle it? What does your loved one think?

    Visit here often as we seek to Make It All Make Sense and at the very least support each other along the way.