May 5, 2026

I Have 4 Children and 2 Parents who Live with Us

Some change is coming up for me professionally at my in-person part-time job and I had an interview yesterday within the same organization for a full-time position that is primarily in-person with some hybrid/remote work flexibility depending on a number of things.

Of course I always experience some nervousness and as I reflect back on my answers I am not surprised that I find myself wishing for a do-over or a few.

The team who interviewed me was incredibly warm and the position is exciting, inviting, and one to grow into in many unique ways, not to mention some terrific benefits. I am eagerly anticipating hearing back about potential next steps in the interview process.

But I find myself as a sandwiched individual with so very many mixed feelings about the commute it comes with (an hour each way), the almost fully in-person work requirements when I am already doing what I do best remotely for another company very well, and occasional evening and weekend support involved.

I am proud of myself because they gave me a chance to ask them questions at the end and one of my questions was about flexibility when something comes up with one’s family, sharing with them the composition of my household and asking if it is a dealbreaker to seek flexibility, understanding, and time if something comes up with one’s family. I stated that in some workplaces flexibility is not an option. And the woman on the team of interviewers stated in an encouraging manner, “Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to work for one of those places” or something very close to that.

It did put my mind at ease, somewhat. But there are a lot of big feelings in this season of life for me because I don’t want to have to concern myself with not being able to step into a greater professional role for which I am qualified. I want to spread my wings professionally. But also I don’t want to leave my family in a lurch.

Part of my story is that it’s just the truth that my husband makes more and will likely always make more money in his field and his position. It’s also true that part of what allowed him to get there was my diligence in covering most of what was happening at home which is extremely valuable. Part of what has allowed us both to work at times is the goodwill and support of our parents pitching in (primarily with support of the kids’ needs) and there was a time when we only had two children (before our other two children were born) when I worked full-time with a very flexible schedule and we had a nanny for a season. My husband’s attitude has always been that if I want to work that I am to find someone to fill in for me. He has covered some evening working hours here and there, but his point of view is that because his job provides the primary income (from which we do all benefit) that childcare especially and as many other household chores as possible are primarily my responsibility. He has grown into doing more and we now have the income to outsource house cleaning and lawn care, my parents do help with some things, and we are working on always getting better at training our children to pitch in and take on more age appropriate tasks. We even almost may have a teen driver in the family.

But it is still true that as the Sandwiched secondary income earner and the primary holder of the majority of the household responsibilities and management and most of the mental load, I find myself facing unique challenges if I want to work full-time. And we know that we will very likely need to hire someone to help with a lot more of our family responsibilities if I receive an offer and we decide that the timing is right for me to take it.

I’ve read many blog posts about how much mothers sacrifice physically, mentally, emotionally, and far beyond if they give birth, as they bring an infant home, as they raise each child. There are certainly exceptions, but in my experience and at my house we are experiencing another stage where ongoing change and sacrifices due to being a parent and an adult child is simply happening far less or is non-existent for my husband than it is for me as a mother and a daughter of aging parents.

It is not lost on me that it is also a gift and an opportunity to serve the ones you love and to be able to have a choice to be able to be there for them that not every adult child or parent or loved one has. But from where I am sitting waiting for our youngest to finish her Tumbling Class I am feeling wishes in my gut that my husband and I could tag team it all with mutual willingness, that the after school activities for our four kiddos could land at enough different times that my husband and I could cover all of the driving and didn’t need to ask for grandparent help, and that I could know what it feels like to go to work knowing that my other half is covering at home with some kind of regularity just to see what that feels like to have the peace of mind to just get myself ready and go lock in knowing that the other parent has it. It must be a different feeling than when I am leaving a list, covering all I can before I go and helping everyone besides myself get ready, and checking in with instructions or answering questions by text, managing home remotely while trying to work.