Sandwiched Support

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  • March 7, 2026

    You have to Bring Us the Med

    I’m new to this additional drain on my time as a member of the sandwich generation. Maybe it’s just injectable medications that this is happening with? Friends of mine who have lived abroad tell me that they have to go get antibiotics and bring them to their hospitals when prescribed (instead of the hospital having them there) whereas others have told me that in some countries there are antibiotics in vending machines that people can purchase without a prescription. Well Dad was prescribed a vitamin to be injected. Mom was recently prescribed another medication that needs to be injected. Dad is now taking that vitamin orally, but when he was getting weekly injections not only was he going into the doctor’s office to get them, but he had to go to the pharmacy to pick up the medication and bring it into the office. If something is being done at a doctor’s office, why is the patient running to get it? Something else for the patient and family to do. Mom’s medication is extremely expensive so we had the doctor send it to an online pharmacy. Then we found out that the deal it looked like we were going to get was not going to work out and picking it up at the local pharmacy was the same price. Due to Mom having surgery and recovering in a rehabilitation facility we didn’t know when she was going back to the office to have this medication injected so we waited to order it and now it is too late to order it from the by mail pharmacy anyway. But now the prescription has been sent to the online pharmacy so we had to call the specialist’s office to ask them to call it into the local pharmacy again. Anytime you place a call there it takes them at least 48 hours to get anything done and every time I am wrapping up with work the doctor has left for the day and anything we are looking for is a tomorrow problem (if that). So she has an appointment for next week for the nurse to inject her, but we must get the meds first and we have to refrigerate them and remember to bring them along. The first time I hurried Mom over there for a nurse appointment for an injection I forgot the medicine in my fridge. Thankfully they did have a sample they were able to use but I had to put in a reminder not to do that again. Mom has home health coming to the house for PT and OT post surgery and in preparation for her next knee to be replaced. The nurse saw her for less than a week and signed off saying we only needed PT and OT. I asked could she please stay on until next week to give Mom the injection at home so we don’t have to take Mom to the specialist’s office just to have a nurse give her the injection. The nurse declined to stay on for one visit next week and said that even though her home health agency is owned by the small hospital system just like the specialist’s office is there would have to be a whole separate order for her (the agency nurse working for the same company) to give the injection that we are paying for and picking up instead of the nurse who works at the specialist’s office. No problem, I’ll just lose a whole client session in the middle of my work day to bring Mom to the office after losing work time while on the phone with the office to get the prescription transferred. And you don’t even want to know how long it took with both Mom and I calling and using the portal to get the specialist’s office to let my dad come pick up Mom’s injection that they were storing in their fridge (because it comes in a 2-pack so once we get it to the office one of them can remain there until the next appointment but getting them to store it was a whole thing that they almost didn’t do also) and take it to the rehab hospital (which by the way is also part of their own hospital system) so Mom could get the injection while she was in there because they didn’t want to transport her to that nurse’s appointment at the specialist’s office.

    I as the sandwiched daughter and advocate was told that I could give the injections at home to avoid all of this if I am comfortable doing that. I am currently quite hopeful that I will not have to become comfortable with that. There are many reasons I chose to work in mental health.

  • February 28, 2026

    Checking Their Boxes

    The rehab my mom went to was top notch. She has been there before, I believe 3 times, and we love the proximity to home, how beautiful the facility is, and how fantastic the staff is. We rarely have a complaint about the place. But I will say that’s it’s interesting to see what they try to do to check boxes and maybe meet third party payor requirements (I’m not sure if these things are required). It is an interesting experience to be the sandwiched advocate of my aging mom and to be called by someone who I think was a nursing student (props to them for using students to connect with the patient’s support system! Students have time!) and asked a whole list of questions with multiple choice number ratings regarding what I am and am not comfortable with in terms of aftercare at home for Mom who would be returning to live with us. I answered her questions and then she asked me to set up 5 hours of caregiver training during the day during the work week.

    I have two flexible part time jobs and I did schedule the training even though I had had it at this facility and other facilities multiple times before. I ended up rescheduling the training when Mom’s discharge date was pushed back due to her not being ready for discharge and when I rescheduled it I advocated for myself as a busy working mother of 4 and the social worker reduced the training to 2 1/2 hours. He stated that it really does seem to be a challenge for family members who work to come in for 5 hours of training during the day during the week. Um, ya think?

    The training was very helpful with PT and OT. Always has been. But for Mom who is not currently in need of a lot of nursing care the nurse did not show up to provide my training and 15 minutes into it we called and a nurse’s assistant went to get her which took several more minutes. She asked a few questions about my knowledge of wound care and signs of infection as Mom has a healing incision and apparently I passed, but she admitted she does not really do trainings, had just met my mom, and did not have a plan for what to share with me despite me being told that meeting with the nurse for a half hour was required. Well…two out of three “ain”t bad” I suppose.

    The other thing that is a little wild in terms of them checking their boxes is that upon admission and upon discharge a nurse on a LIVE video call just pops onto the TV screen in your room. The first time my mom was admitted to this rehab (second time overall) she was not told that the person doing part of the admission was going to not only just appear on the screen but that she could see right into Mom’s room through a camera right above the bed. It gave a “Better always get dressed in the bathroom” vibe and was pretty startling. That person was upbeat and gained our confidence within a few minutes. But during this discharge a nurse who needs a public speaking class came on the screen (thankfully we were told to expect her) and the camera on us was at a super weird angle so that Mom was barely on her screen while sitting on her wheelchair by the bed and I had to stand behind the wheelchair and squat down a bit to be seen and to speak up to be heard. This nurse had her face buried in the paperwork and just read it to us as though we understood everything, barely asked for questions a couple of times without making much eye contact, mumbling very quietly throughout, and answered almost all of the questions I dared to ask with mumbled dismissive repossess about how it’s a good question for another person (PCP, PT or OT therapist, anyone but her) and gave the impression that she really did not know much about Mom’s condition or the meds she is on or her aftercare plan that she was presenting to us. But she read the sentences about crisis phone numbers, patient rights, and the substance abuse support line in hushed mumbles. I guess check those boxes we did.

  • February 17, 2026

    Brick by Brick

    Brick by brick we are carrying our dependents along while building our family’s future and what we hope is a legacy of support and love. Brick by brick we are building and diversifying our careers. Brick by brick we are scaffolding our children’s education and adding to their exposure to a variety of extracurriculars while learning what we can about future options as they discover who they are and what they are called to. Brick by brick we are advocating for the best in healthcare for my parents (for now) and ourselves and our children and finding ourselves pouring hours into appointments, calls, portal messages, reading and seeking resources, and delivering care. Brick by brick we are shuttling everyone to everything most of the time when we are not working and we are bearing witness to rehabilitated steps and skill building with each passing year. It is exhausting. It is meaningful. It is the life of the Sandwiched.

  • February 14, 2026

    Invisible

    For a few years now I have felt invisible to myself for long stretches of time. I come up for air during brief, but special times of reprieve, but in the day to day there is SO much that falls on me and for which I am responsible that I rarely have time to feel like myself. I am often drained and my marriage has been too. I don’t want to regret oversharing at this time, but I will say that if you feel like you are being treated like you are invisible to your husband and it seems like he is on another planet you are not alone. If your Valentine’s Day was what you set up for your family and you were completely overlooked, you’re not alone. If it felt like just another day of being dead last on your and everyone else’s list, you’re in no way the only one. Please know that it’s not just you. There have been darker times and there certainly can be far more difficult circumstances. But sometimes it feels like I am unrecognizable both inside and out to me. There’s just so much that I am carrying in this season. While Sandwiched I just have not been myself quite often and I find that it is very rare for anyone to pour into me other than my Incredible tribe of women who get it. Some of them get some of it, some get other parts, and some just care A Lot and by God’s grace their support can always be found and is enough to spur me on. Sometimes the little times of reprieve are SO magical where I get to take a break that finds me or I get to engage in an experience where I feel more myself than ever. These come with careful planning and literally several people providing favors to stand in for me (some of which I will end up returning because they were provided by another overextended Mom who can surely use one owed to her from someone who will deliver because she didn’t have much to give in the first place but get it). Sometimes the little times of reprieve are quiet whispers that were unexpected. They come when I experience song lyrics that remind me of youth and freedom. They come when I see some cardinals or robins and think of the irreplaceable love I enjoyed while I still had my maternal grandparents on this earth and I remember how worthy I am of love. They come when I have an excellent session with a client and they commend me for my help and I remember my competence. They come in the best moments with my children where I feel God’s presence and am reminded of my inherent value. But this is a season of depletion, of giving beyond what I have to give and far beyond when it hurts, and it tends to take a whole lot of rearranging to steal time to truly recharge.

  • February 5, 2026

    Clear for Surgery

    Mom had what we believe was a successful surgery at the smallest hospital yet (but beautiful and newly renovated). A well-respected surgeon from an orthopedic practice in the area performed a knee replacement Monday on Mom and a fantastic rehab associated with the small hospital accepted Mom Wednesday so we are hoping for a full recovery and the second replacement coming up soon. But in order to be cleared for the surgery she, understandably had an appointment with her PCP (sadly the one she had, who we loved, was leaving for a specialty practice, but we did get to choose another doctor in the practice who is fantastic as well). She also had to be cleared by cardiology, (also something we understood) so even though we were enjoying a stretch of time where we were told to return in 2 years to cardiology for the next check up, we headed in for an in-person appointment. This led to a test at the hospital being necessary and then on the day of that test at the small hospital it took 4 nurses to get an IV in Mom and then the images were not clear enough so we had to go back to undergo that test a second time. They were very apologetic and accommodating, but the hours at pre-surgery appointments really added up. Then after being required by the surgeon’s practice to have an pre-surgery clearance check-up appointment with her PCP we had to then come to one of the surgeon’s offices to meet with one of their nurse practitioners to also take vitals and check Mom to clear her for surgery (though we did have a previous appointment with a surgeon’s PA at that practice to check mom and answer questions and to schedule surgery). Then we received a lengthy call from a nurse a few days before surgery asking the questions that had already been answered countless times. Very thorough of course. Nothing wrong with being thorough. But yet was each appointment really necessary? Especially the PCP plus the nurse practitioner at the surgeon’s practice. What qualifies as overkill? Is there really added value at a certain point?

  • January 30, 2026

    Really?

    When we use the portal for the smaller hospital system there’s a note in the portal denoting contact with the provider and it is written as though we spoke directly. Many providers have nurses and even medical assistant’s respond. I sent a question to a nurse practitioner from Mom on a Sunday and the provider did not respond, understandably that day, but instead someone from her office responded during the upcoming week and she then responded herself to some follow-up questions I had and the way they wrote about it in the chart sounds as though I had a thorough call with the provider directly on a Sunday when all that happened was that I sent our message to the provider through typing it into the portal on a Sunday. But the notes says “You spoke with (name of provider is here in the record), CRNP on Sunday (date is here).” Did we really speak with her? Sounds misleading. I really didn’t look into the billing but am wondering if this is billed as though we spoke with or had some kind of session with the provider on a Sunday. Something to look into more. Interesting.

  • January 24, 2026

    I Might

    I frequently tell those who know me that I “might” be able to do this or that. I might be able to drop by with some clothes my daughter has outgrown for another mom to go through. I might be able to meet for coffee and conversations desperately needed with my similarly sandwiched sisterhood. I might be able to get my work notes done by a certain day. I might be able to make and keep an appointment with my own therapist every few months. I’m might write what used to be my annual Christmas Letter which started arriving just before Valentine’s Day and then not at all for the last 3 or is it 4 years? I might be able to show up at the monthly PTO meeting and it’s a bigger might for me to be able to find time to volunteer a little like I used to. I might get a corner of a room organized, but don’t count on the whole dining room being usable anytime soon. I might unblock the attic stairs and carry all that is on one of my many plunking piles to its place. If you need me I’ll just be here doing the next thing because my list is endless and so many tabs are open in my mind that I might never manage them all. But I might just put those to-do’s on a list and I heard research shows that I might get better sleep if I make that list before bed. So u might, or I might tell myself again that I don’t want to pause to make the list, that it will swallow too many precious minutes in all of the busyness. My favorite people tell me what an amazing job i am doing with everything on my plate. Others criticize mainly. I can’t promise I will manage today. I can’t be sure that I will manage tomorrow. But I might.

  • January 17, 2026

    The Family I Get To Choose

    Though I am sandwiched at an age which is younger than most, experience it, I do have friends of varying ages who are beginning to find out what it’s like. And it is a breath of fresh air to have each one of them as a part of my village.

    Some have recently lost parents and I am trying to remind myself of the value of the time I have remaining with Mom and Dad. A wonderful friend just shared that her dad had to give up his keys. Another dear friend is trying to advocate for her father-in-law while he declines what appear to be potentially very helpful treatment options. And another dear friend who is a nurse herself is dealing with challenges as she advocates for her father while living several states away,

    I know I am not alone in my circumstances, but it can feel very isolating sitting in hundreds of medical appointments per year (including visits during days hospitalized) with my parents and my children and receiving related phone calls and messages frequently as I attempt to gain enough information to advocate. It always helps to share stories, to trade tips, and to listen to one another as we navigate this heavy season.

    And those friends willing to provide a listening ear and time to vent together are absolutely priceless. In recent months I have been able to have coffee once monthly with two of them and I got away for one night with two others along with our kids this weekend. Support comes in many forms and some friends are family we get to choose.

  • It’s fine, I’m fine, Everything is fine

    Sandwich Generation life took over over the holidays between all 8 of us getting the flu over our Christmas break and New Year’s, one after another after another. Thankfully we had our vaccinations but it was still yucky and ugly. I told myself I was going to be able to do this blog daily. Then I told myself I was going to be able to catch up all of the daily posts I missed starting in October and add photos and then starting with making the Trick or Treat magic for the neighborhood with an amazing fellow neighborhood mom and then getting everything ready for the holiday season this fell off the list. But isn’t that just the epitome of Sandwich Generation life. I am hoping to shift to once weekly consistently now in 2026 starting with today.

    Thrilled that Mom’s first knee replacement surgery is February 2nd but we still had to not only go to a surgery scheduling appointment with the surgeon’s PA to choose which knee to start with and discuss the surgery, but also had to have a Clear for Surgery appointment with the PCP, and another one with the Cardiologist. And as if that weren’t enough an NP at the surgeon’s office had to see Mom a month prior to surgery to clear her when we were just at the PCP three days before that and at the cardiologist 3 days before the PCP. Simply cannot help but think that there are too many cooks in the clearance kitchen and everyone wants a piece of the billing pie. She’s high risk in certain ways, but that last checkup with the NP when she had just seen her PCP took the overkill cake for me. I am the Sandwiched accompanying uber driver and appointment advocate and when I can’t schedule my own clients I don’t get paid. But yeah, let’s have an NP take up our time checking on Mom when a physician plus a specialist’s office just checked her within the past week.

    One of my awesome bosses gifted me some dumpster fire socks and I am still looking forward to finding a time to put my feet up so the sock bottoms can be read by others “It’s Fine, I’m Fine, Everything is Fine.”

  • October 9, 2025

    Tis the Season

    When Mom entered the hospital a year ago for emergent surgery (which led to nearly a year of complications at the little hospital before a seemingly successful surgery in September has provided significant relief and hopefully has solved the problem) I lost what little control I was getting of our already cluttered new-to-us home. When my parents sold their home and we sold ours 4 years ago and moved into one house I almost single-handedly cleared years of clutter (things Mom hoped to use again) out of my parents’ home. But then as we combined what we kept we realized we did not quite purge enough stuff along the way and 4 years later after a year of almost constant advocating for better care for Mom, there is a serious clutter explosion lining the sides of one basement room, piled in a basement storage room, covering the one side of our bedroom, choking our dining room, and don’t ask about the attic and one section of the garage. I use A Lot of the stuff but rarely have a minute to put it away rather than putting it down.

    So now we’ve entered the season of celebrating it all! We are counting our blessings and almost ALL of this holiday themed cheer from Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Year’s, but honestly I am already exhausted from the trunk or treat I organized and moving through crowds at the Halloween Parade and there’s work and youth sports and plenty of ongoing outpatient appointments for both of my parents. So far I have two little Halloween signs set out around the mess and a Falk wreath on the door. I tend to go ALL OUT and love to, but these days it’s like I just don’t have the bandwidth.

    We just got our pumpkins out by the front door next to the doormat that says “Sunshine Vibes”. Maybe I’ll get the “Trick or Treat“ mat out by Friday, maybe not. But I do know that I have to clean up the dining room before the end of November (trust me there is very little margin to get this done and it will happen at the sacrifice of plenty of my sleep) and the Christmas shopping already began after Christmas last year because I’ll nearly single handedly be bringing all of the magic like I do every year. And I wouldn’t mind if that was all there was to do but, that’s the furthest thing from the case.