Sandwiched Support

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  • July 29, 2025

    If I’m Not Right There

    I know many of you understand this with regard to your children. If you’re not right there, they don’t follow through with the chore. If you’re not right there they are on their screens instead of focusing on homework. If you’re not right there, they’re often fighting with one another and then blaming everyone else in the room when someone gets hurt.

    But I didn’t consider how, when sandwiched, this would work with my aging parents. I did what I thought was “it all” before leaving for a two week summer trip with my husband and four children and not only had I forgotten to reschedule one appointment I had scheduled for Mom (while also forgetting to return the library books on time), I managed to let something else slip through the cracks. I assumed Mom would handle logging onto a telehealth appointment with a GI provider (specially trained with nutritional expertise) on her own. She has logged in on her own before, but only with the small hospital system’s portal. This would be her first time with the larger hospital system’s online appointment log in.

    Somehow she never got the email with the link the first time. Of course the call to schedule the appointment came while I was driving my car and already feeling sick and having fled the pharmacy where I had just scooted out of line the other day because I spotted someone I wasn’t expecting to be there I was not in a place to make small talk with that person at that time. But that’s another story. Anyway, all of that had happened and I was driving my son to the library and got the call to set up this appointment. I explained that Mom is aging and she prefers that I schedule her appointment so the number they have on file is mine. I then explained that I would be traveling in a different time zone during the appointment and that they needed to send the link to the appointment to Mom’s email address, which I gave them.

    The Thursday appointment while I was traveling came and went and Mom says she never saw the link in her email. I called to reschedule and apparently they had already spoken to her and rescheduled for the following Thursday right around the same time. I acknowledged the scheduled appointment and again stated that at that time I would still be traveling in another time zone and they said that this time they were going to text her the link because when they email it it sometimes goes into people’s SPAM folders. Ok, so why didn’t you offer us the text option to begin with? I did not ask this aloud.

    So I was assured that all was well, that they had prepared Mom to log in on her phone when they texted her the link, and I reminded her myself. But guess what we received in the mail today? A letter stating that she now missed two appointments and if she misses a third she will be dismissed as a patient. Great. I should have wondered when I asked the woman I spoke to if there was going to be another phone call reminding us of the appointment and she said, no, that she was going to put the information in the system, and then I got a call from them a couple of days later asking for Mom and stating they were confirming the telehealth appointment. I responded that the appointment was confirmed and that she would log on if they text the link to her. I confirmed her number.

    If I’m not right there this is what happens. It just doesn’t get done. And now I have another appointment to call about to reschedule. Add it to the list.

  • July 28, 2025

    Enough

    I took my dad to a 6:30 am EKG this morning after getting home last evening from our two week trip with the kids. Did one load of laundry and spent my breakfast being the listening ear my dad needed. Called the pedi office to see if I can bring my daughter, who has been sick on and off with cold symptoms for a few weeks and now has quite a cough, to see if I can bring her along to be seen there while I brought my teen son for his wellness check up or before or after. My son’s appointment was at 9:40 AM, not one of the popular timeslots before or after parents’ work days. But they could not get her in.

    Thankfully both early morning appointments went well and brought helpful results. But then I had to head back out with my daughter to urgent care for a sick visit. They were helpful but it took me right up to zipping home to get there in the nick of time for my first client and the other three today

    My fifteen year old got everyone lunch while I worked, but by the time I was done it was time to pop dozen pizzas in the oven and open fruit and veggie trays and call it dinner as my husband made his way home.

    As I skipped preheating and hoped for the best as usual, I called my husband and vented about how I felt I got nothing done today because I didn’t unpack, I barely did laundry, and picking up around here escaped me as it often does. My husband was on point today and reminded me that I took loved ones to 3 doctors and saw 4 clients and that that’s a 7 hour day alone right there not to mention the drives, chores, and being there for all 4 of my children and both of my parents in different ways.

    It’s enough, but there’s not enough of me to go around. And I’m sandwiched and each day brings many challenges with opportunities right now.

  • July 25, 2025

    Fun Fact about the Founder and Family

    I know I am not the first to mention this issue, but I have sadly reached the age where I sleep with a certain arrangement of pillows because without them I frequently wake up feeling like I’m in traction. And these days calls are becoming more frequent from my parents when I have already headed to bed that lead to me getting up and going downstairs to deal with a need. It reminds me of when I had newborns and honestly, I know it can get much more frequent and a lot worse.

    It’s almost time to go home, but we are traveling on an adventure with our kids that is taking us many places back to back to back and has also led us to stay at a number of different places and to sleep in a series of different borrower beds.

    Flying does not easily allow for packing a pile of pillows so I have been trying to recreate my pillow pile to no avail. And every single morning on this trip without exception I wake up literally hours before I need to be awake finding that I need to get up right away because of new levels of the discomfort. Without the skillful arrangement of the aforementioned pillows and without a mattress similar to mine at home, I know I am planning to be up early and often throughout the night.

    Shout out to just the right pillows and, while we’re at it, to the best mattresses too! The primary caregivers and advocates need our rest and find it frequently disrupted or tough to come by due to other priorities and responsibilities (both expected and unexpected). When we lose we are very unlikely to get a chance to rest another time soon afterward.

    When you don’t get to sleep because of meeting another person’s needs it’s an amazing selfless act, but at the same time, it can take a significant toll. May the sandwiched and all caregivers and advocates find ways to get the very best sleep when we have time for it.

  • July 24, 2025

    The Keeper

    We checked into a hotel with an indoor water park in or at and our boys were already having the time of their lives with their dad on the big water slides while I, Mom, was holding everyone’s shoes and a big bag of things we thought we might need as there was no available table or chair in sight and we try to avoid at least some of the extra fees like the locker fee.

    Then this amazing fellow mom, a complete stranger, waived me over and said it was just her at her table and I was welcome to sit there. Perfect for keeping an eye on my daughter in the play areas for younger kiddos- front row seat.

    Then my husband (after going to the rental vehicle to locate our second son’s second croc) brought me more to hold and then asked “aren’t you going in?” He felt it was fine to just leave our stuff including cell phones and i wasn’t comfortable with that without a locker. Plus the other mom at the table had gotten up to get a double tube for our daughter and her daughter to ride around together and I didn’t want to leave her stuff unattended.

    Like a living coat rack my children have been hanging things on me or placing them in my hands since they could crawl and the load has only gotten heavier when there’s things to do. It seems to come with the territory that Mom is to hold this, watch this, do this and in many ways it’s a special honor, until the expectations overwhelm and the literal weight of things pile up. Sometimes it really is just a lot.

    Very thankful for other moms who jump in to ease my four ring circus sometimes in a pinch when it feels like even with my husband and I there’s not enough parenting, refereeing, and overseeing to go around.

    It felt nice to be able to just sit in this extra chair this evening as we’ll be doing plenty more over the weekend and because at home Mom has been handing me her things for years as well.

    If you’re a caregiver, I see you. If you feel like a human coat rack; I’m right there with you. And if you’re sandwiched and your parents or older loved ones are now placing their things in your hands in more ways than one; you’re not alone.

  • July 23, 2025

    Taken Care of in a Timely Manner

    Yesterday I found it concerning that when I finally called the right number for Medicare and asked about whether or not Mom’s new benefit period began now that she has been home (with no additional inpatient admissions) for over 60 days as required for her plan to reinstate a new series of available Medicare Part A days.

    The representative I spoke with yesterday seemed more knowledgeable and professional than some others I have spoken with in the past and she was able to tell me that her view of the system shows that Mom’s days should have come back now (other than those 60 lifetime days which never come back) given that I did understand correctly that she has been home for more than 60 days.

    However, this helpful representative admitted that though Mom should be in a new benefit period as of a few days back, the system does not show the availability of the new days on her end.

    Ok, so I am of course glad at this point that this representative is confirming for me what we suspected that Mom FINALLY was able to stay home for 60 plus days in a row without any inpatient admissions and her Part A benefits are returning in time for an upcoming surgery that is scheduled for Monday at the big hospital.

    So I explained to the helpful representative that the surgery is supposed to be first thing next week and I would like to confirm that her Part A benefits are reinstated now for a new benefits period as she has met the requirements. The helpful representative replied that she was escalating this to what I believe she called a “senior specialist”. She assured me that she was writing a thorough explanation of my question and the reasons for my question and I believe that she did. t

    Here’s what led me to feeling concerned yesterday. The helpful representative told me that the senior specialist had 7 business days to return my call. 7 business days?! It was Tuesday and the surgery was Monday!

    I expressed this concern to the helpful representative and she said that I could call Mom’s surgeon’s office and encourage them to call the provider line for confirmation.

    Seriously, how are patients, especially Seniors, doing all of this without someone advocating for them through plenty of inefficient steps?

    I thanked her and asked for her name. She gave it to me and I asked for her extension. She said she doesn’t have an extension or a call back number and I can just call the main number back and explain all of this again if the senior specialist does not return my call before the 7 business day window.

    Not an ideal option, but grateful to know that’s the way it is for future reference. So yesterday I called the big hospital’s outpatient surgery office and explained everything about the potential billing concerns if the new benefits period is not clearly started in the system. The woman who answered the phone listened to my whole explanation and then had to transfer me to a woman in the billing department whose voicemail answered my call. I explained everything yesterday on her voicemail and have not received a return call from her.

    It seems, this time, that all is working out for Mom. I was absolutely shocked and thrilled that the senior specialist returned my call today and I was available to answer right away! She couldn’t have been nicer and did confirm that Mom’s Part A is in a new benefit period as of a few days ago when Mom made it to 60 days at home without an inpatient admission during that time.

    Thankful to have that verbal confirmation and when we got disconnected because I am traveling and was on the road when she called, she called back and left a message trying to finish our call. Very kind of her to call back! Unfortunately I didn’t have reception and her message stated that I would just have to call the main number back again. No direct number or extension to call her back and finish our call.

    Grateful that I got what I needed at this time, but quite frankly I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  • July 22, 2025

    Beware. I Should Have Known Better

    So today we got on the road and had to take one of our sons for a checkup at an urgent care where we are away on vacation before we headed to the next town. While he took my son inside to be examined by a provider (great experience, no issues) my husband reminded me that I needed to call Medicare to check in regarding Mom’s benefits.

    I was thankful for the reminder at a time when my other 3 kids were spending their downtime in the car using their screens and I had time to spare and I made the mistake of just doing an online search for the number. It could have been much worse. I could have reached a scammer and I know people who have reached scammers by searching other companies and things have turned out a lot worse.

    I will describe why I called in tomorrow’s blog post and what happened when I did actually get a Medicare rep on the phone and what I will have to do from here. Unbelievable.

    But for now I will just say that I spent 30 minutes on the phone with a person who turned out to be a broker for a company who works with Medicare. He gave his name, asked for my number in case we got disconnected, played a recording from Medicare regarding things we would discuss, got Mom’s Medicare ID number to put in the system and then let me know that he could not help with my question. I am thankful for him because he then identified his job and told me the Medicare phone number which I should have called directly.

    After advocating for this long I truly should have known better and I DO know better but I still (being tired from traveling with 4 kids, being in a different time zone, for several days, and just being in a hurry) went with the online link for simplicity.

    It’s not worth it. And I am grateful that so far the worst that happened was that I was on hold FOREVER for this gentleman’s help and then had to be on hold again to speak to an actual Medicare representative.

    Stay tuned for the question I asked and the result of that conversation tomorrow. And always call 1-800- Medicare (1-800-633-4227) from the start. Online links will Likely at Best waste your time and lead you no where and at worst could lead to you giving sensitive info to a scammer.

  • July 21, 2025

    I can’t keep it all in my brain.

    Well it was bound to happen at some point. I am on a trip with my family and forgot it was Monday and forgot to do my blog post that means a lot to me before Monday turned into Tuesday. But I will post anyway.

    It reminds me of how the sandwiched, and really all caregivers, struggle to manage all priorities and to keep them in mind.

    I tend to try to do it with a paper calendar and without phone reminders, but am finding that it’s something I really need to start accepting. That allowing technology to help is how people are accomplishing so much.

    Much has been given to me and of me, much is expected. It is easy to let one or many balls drop at any given time during this season of utmost service and sacrifices.

    If you are here with me, I see you. Cheer me on as I consider giving into the electronic calendar and into taking the time to set reminders that are not written on paper that I may misplace.

  • July 18, 2025

    Fun Fact about the Founder and Family

    I have the worst sense of direction. No idea how I drove around back in the day with no cell or an original Nokia cell and Mapquest printouts. I get disoriented quickly when asked to find things on a paper map and even my teens who grew up hearing GPS since they were babies can navigate with a map better than I can.

    I appreciate how my husband often drives on long trips, but he struggles to be patient if his GPS is not online and it’s me backing him up on the quest to get where we’re going with few detours. Even if I have to hop on my GPS apps to try to find something specific it doesn’t go well and I like to declare that it’s not working while my husband affectionately tends to say “operator error.”

    This is something I can laugh at about myself and my family laughs with me. If I am chatting too much while driving I will often make a wrong turn even if my GPS is right on target. My kids are very familiar with Mom missing the turn and my poor Mom has heard me stress out a number of times while trying to find various medical offices or hospital entrances in a timely manner.

    While sandwiched you tend to find yourself driving a number of loved ones many places. I find my way eventually.

    More importantly we are slowly but surely finding our way through the sandwich generation’s journey of advocating, supporting, and caring for the surrounding generations.

  • July 17, 2025

    Where Was Mom?

    This morning we packed up from a stellar stay and before we hit the road to our next destination we grabbed McDonald’s breakfast at the request of our second son who turned 13 today. Two teens in the family now- double wow!! No idea where the time went!

    I spotted another mom with her family just a table away and made brief eye contact. A little later she approached my oldest son at our table and quickly asked him to take a pic of her family. She then looked over at me and began to talk about how moms never seem to make it into the pics because we are always the one taking them. It’s the second time I have heard that from another mom just this trip and have seen it mentioned numerous times online previously because it’s SO true!!

    My son meant well but the other family’s mom was barely in the pic just peeking her head around one of her children. I repeatedly encouraged him to take the picture again and one of her sons, reminding me of mine grinned and said “no no we’re fine.” His mom gave me a knowing look and said, “You know how it is with 5 kids, Mom is barely in the pictures.”(I have 4 but she understandably saw the big family and knew I could relate).

    Shout out to ALL of the ladies whose paths have crossed ours and have taken our pics so that I can be in them. And funny how my husband is a willing photographer to get the other families great pics when they take ours, but to get me in pics with the kids when it’s just us, it’s a challenge.

    This has been said by many, but I ask you to please take the primary caregiver’s pics, take pics of the primary family or friend group photographer, and be the friendly stranger who asks if someone wants a pic of them with those they love.

  • July 16, 2025

    Family hold back

    My husband’s family jokes about the FHB (family hold back) when someone is holding everyone else up when they are not ready to leave.

    Today we went on an average hike to see some Incredible views on vacation. It was absolutely worth every step!! The hike we completed the other day was as well. But honestly I am so completely out of shape right now and while I am thankful for everything my amazing body has done and continues to be able to do, I have plenty of intrusive thoughts about what a bummer it is that I often cannot keep up.

    For work I sit often. I’ve carried and given birth to four children. I’ve spent countless days and nights advocating for or providing care for my parents. I have two part-time jobs plus the privileges (and along with them the numerous challenges) of being able to do a lot of things that stay-at-home parents are able to do.

    While sandwiched there really is very little time for self-care and that includes prioritizing nutrition and movement. I’m sure there’s more I can be doing and that there are ways to fit it in, but if you are here at this place with me at this time, I see you and I understand.

    And shout out to the amazing woman on the mountain trail with us today who heard me apologizing to my family and told me how great I was doing and that this trail is a hard one. Completely teared up in that moment! Feeling seen and understood! Thankful for those who choose to encourage others!